


Mischievous Duo

by addict_writer



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Board Games, F/M, Gen, Humor, One Shot, Post Breaking Dawn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:21:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28350798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/addict_writer/pseuds/addict_writer
Summary: Renesmee and Jacob's plan to make a joke at Edward and Bella's expense has hilarious repercussions. Rosalie is put in her place for daring to threaten Jake. Lots of humor.
Relationships: Edward Cullen/Bella Swan, Jacob Black/Renesmee Cullen
Kudos: 21





	Mischievous Duo

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own anything Twilight related.  
> It's like, 4 o'clock in the morning where I am...  
> Enjoy!

D-I-S-G-U-S-T-I-N-G

I chuckled at the word formed on the Scrabble board. I countered with a better one.

S-I-C-K-E-N-I-N-G

Nessie dissolved into a fit of giggles.

"Shhh." I pressed a finger to her lips.

N-A-U-S-E-A-T-I-N-G

She beamed, waving for me to add a new word.

P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C

She scowled at my word, shuffling through the letters.

H-E-N-I-O-U-S

It was such vocabulary that reminded me, she was no ordinary five year old. I covered my mouth, as I sniggered.

A-P-P-A-L-L-I-N-G

Nessie giggled, picking some letters carefully. We had stopped trying the pretense play, a while ago. It had been her idea to work on this board filled with name-calling, leave it on her bed, before heading to the house.

It looked like her parents weren't going to resurface any time soon, and the worst part was that we could hear them crystal clear.

It would serve them right to be a little humble when they realized they could have scarred their daughter for life with the moaning and breathy pleas for _more, harder, deeper_.

I shuddered, waving to the scrambled pieces on her bed, wordlessly inviting Nessie to write another word.

E-G-R-E-G-I-O-U-S

I wasn't even going to pretend to know what it meant, but it had to be a synonym to our first word.

S-C-A-N-D-A-L-O-U-S

Nessie threw herself into her pillow, laughing loudly. Then, she lunged for the pieces, arranging a new word. We were running out of space.

I focused on what she was doing, and chuckled some more. She formed our adieu at the bottom right.

L-O-V-E N-E-S-S-I-E A-N-D J-A-K-E

Her palm cupped my cheek, when it suddenly became quiet.

 _Quick, Jake!_ I hoisted her in my arms, dashing for the front door. We both laughed loudly on the run to the main house.

I put her down after jumping across the river.

We entered the house, out of breath and with tears in our eyes. As much as I'd have loved to see their faces when they discovered our present, I was glad to be away.

Bella was likely to be mortified. Edward was definitely going to be murderous, thinking I put Nessie up to that. He didn't know his daughter, if he even entertained the thought that I could have come up with such a devious plan.

"What's so funny?" Esme greeted us in the kitchen doorway.

Nessie collapsed on the floor, laughing hysterically. I leaned against the doorframe, holding my stomach, hiccupping.

"Whenever you two calm down…" Esme said patiently. "Anyway, where are Bella and Edward?"

Any attempt to regain composure seemed irrelevant, when all I could see were their freaked-out faces.

Alice descended gracefully, joining us in the entry hallway. "You two should never be allowed in the same room alone."

That sobered me about somewhat. "You saw it?"

"I don't know what you two did, but I can see Edward and Bella not joining us any time soon. It's like they're avoiding you."

Nessie gasped loudly. "I can't breathe!"

I pulled her up, stroking her hair. "Breathe, honey. Your parents are likely to murder me if you die from lack of oxygen."

Once she got some control over her giggles, Nessie skipped to Esme's side, holding her hand up. Esme crouched to her level, and when Nessie touched her cheek, her golden eyes widened in horror. That image made me start laughing again.

"What? Show me," Alice pouted, kneeling next to Nessie. "Oh, my!" Alice's eyes clouded for a moment, then she frowned. "I don't know, Nessie. I wish I had an answer. I can't see around you and Jacob."

Nessie must have asked about the outcome of our stunt, since her little hand was still cupping Alice's cheek.

"Oh, you're here!" Blondie cried out, as she descended with Emmett in tow.

"Like you didn't hear us," I muttered. Then I noticed Emmett's impish grin, and gagged. "Honey, we should start a board for Blondie and Emmett, too," I called to Nessie.

Nessie returned to my side, stretching her hand to me. I picked her up in my left arm, closing my eyes, allowing her mind to be everything I saw. She showed me several bad words I had no idea where she'd heard them, all the while biting her lip.

_I'm not allowed to say naughty words. That's all I associate with them._

I nearly dropped her from the shock, but before any vampire around me could notice my grip slipping from around her butt, I wrapped my other arm around her shoulders, hugging her tightly.

"You're too much, you know that?" I kissed her forehead.

"Since when do you bring her over? Where are Bella and Edward?" Blondie snapped, not liking my moment with Nessie.

"Listening to Uncle Emmett and demolishing the cottage," Nessie answered in a matter-of-fact voice.

 _What is air?_ I thought amused, realizing I wasn't likely to stop laughing any time soon.

"Good for them!" Emmett cheered. He extracted Nessie from my arms. "Did they scare you?"

Nessie shook her head, touching his cheek, probably showing him our Scrabble board, judging by Emmett's rancorous laughter which rattled the windows.

Nessie reached out to Blondie, who picked her from Emmett. She was on for a treat with the images Nessie was going to show her. The delight was clear on her face, but soon, it was replaced by indignation.

When Nessie's brown eyes met mine over Blondie's shoulder, I knew she'd just shown her what we'd write on a Scrabble board for her and Emmett.

"You put her up to this!" Blondie snarled, narrowing her eyes at me.

Nessie patted Blondie's cheek impatiently, smiling deviously.

"I hope you both know that what you did is very wrong," Esme said disapprovingly. "Your parents are going to be very upset, Renesmee."

"Lord save us from a brooding Edward," Emmett cried out, turning to look at the ceiling.

I snorted in laughter, but sobered up when Esme met my eyes. I had the utmost respect for her, and I felt a tiny bit bad for stooping to Nessie's level. But I couldn't deny her anything, and it was all in good fun.

"It's not my fault Edward doesn't know what fun is if it hit him in the face," I mumbled.

Emmett roared with laughter. "See? That's why I like the mutt."

"Hey, easy with the insults," I muttered.

"Come and eat. I prepared you breakfast," Esme coaxed us.

Nessie stared at the food on the island counter, picking a jelly sandwich. We were trying to ease her into eating human food, too. She tolerated it, but blood was still her favorite. Especially, if we shared the animal.

I didn't mind eating raw meat, but nothing could beat a home cooked meal. And, I had plenty of those with Bella and Esme around.

Alice perched on the stool closer to me, sketching on a notepad. I knew how she silently sought me out when her inability to see the future because Nessie and me gave her headaches.

"You okay?" I checked.

She grimaced, nodding, intent on the page where she was drawing a dress.

I startled when a glob of bread and jelly landed on my plate. I looked over at Nessie, to find her glaring at me.

"I called you, like, three times!"

"Sorry, Ness." _Were my ears deceiving me?_ I felt terrible for not paying better attention, but it always amazed me how we affected Alice.

"Okay, it was once, but you were too busy talking to Alice."

I rolled my eyes. "Okay. You grabbed my attention."

She smirked, throwing at me another piece of bread and jelly balled up into a perfect glob.

"Kids." Alice shook her head, giggling.

I poked my tongue at Alice before spreading some peanut butter on a slice of bread. I flicked it at Nessie's face. I didn't expect my throw to be that strong, or for her to duck. I watched in horror as the piece of bread landed in Blondie's hair, before slipping down, smudging her hair-length in peanut butter.

Blondie froze from when where she was talking to Esme by the sink, slowly turning around.

Nessie was red in the face, laughing hysterically.

I wanted to go and hide somewhere where Blondie could never find me.

Her eyes turned black as they narrowed into slits when they landed on my guilty face. "You. Put. FOOD. In. My. Hair," she wailed. " _Again_."

If any other person would have started the food war, I'd have pointed them out as guilty, but I couldn't do that to Nessie.

"It was a mistake," I explained.

"It's my fault, Aunt Rosie," Nessie whispered. Her eyes met mine briefly, showing me how much I owed her for saving my ass.

"It was _you_?" Blondie gasped, incredulously.

"I started it. When Jake threw that bread at me, I dodged."

No one could stay mad at her adorable smile. Blondie left the room, going to shower, while grumbling about us ganging up against her.

"Thanks," I whispered to Nessie.

She came to my side, cupping my cheek. _Now, it's your turn to protect me. I can hear Momma and Daddy._

I became aware of them approaching, too.

 _Don't look so guilty_. Then she dropped her hand from my cheek, taking my hand.

I'd never stop marveling how this unique creature had me so entrapped, body and soul. I squeezed her little hand, leading her to the living room.

Emmett was sprawled on one of the couches, flipping through the TV channels.

I sat on a loveseat with Nessie on my lap. She nestled into my chest, captivated by the documentary Emmett had paused to watch. It was about how lions fed.

It looked like a preview of Edward biting my head off. Though, it would be Bella doing the killing, to be wildlife appropriate.

The front door opened abruptly, and the next half of a second Edward and Bella were in the living room.

"Jacob," Bella started in a guarded voice, but it sounded growly and it reminded me of the scary moment when I had to face her as a newborn.

Edward lifted a hand to stop her, his incredulous eyes on Nessie. I noticed she was looking at her dad apologetically.

 _So much for not looking guilty_ , I thought to myself.

Edward's eyes snapped to mine, and I returned his gaze, trying not to blink.

 _Come on, say something! You know I can't say no to her. It sounded like a fun idea._ I glared at him.

His lips curled up, then he turned to Bella. "We have the wrong culprit, love."

Bella frowned, finally tearing her eyes from the side of my head where she'd been glaring daggers.

Nessie squeezed my hand so tightly, I was afraid she was going to snap my fingers off. It surprised me to hear her thoughts even though her hand wasn't on my cheek. It reminded me of their cousin from Denali, the one with electricity in her fingers. Somehow, Nessie had managed to show me her thoughts by touching another part of my body.

I noticed Edward's delighted look, though embarrassment still clouded his eyes.

I couldn't spare him much thought, not when Nessie was feeling guilty about troubling her parents. She was currently worrying if they'd ever forgive her for the stunt we'd pulled on them.

Edward chuckled, coming to crouch at my legs. He slowly pried Nessie from my arms, hugging her tightly. He kissed her forehead tenderly.

"You worry too much for such a young age."

Bella snorted loudly. "Look who's talking, Captain of the Worrying Ship."

Edward threw her a smile, before focusing on Nessie. "Since your mom is still in the dark, maybe you should go and tell her."

Nessie glanced back at me, tears swarming in her brown eyes. "Go," I urged her gently.

She rushed to Bella, leaping into her arms. Bella caught her easily, placing Nessie's hand on her cheek. The smile she usually wore when she saw into her daughter's mind, faded. Fast.

"You," she gasped, horrified. "It was _your_ idea!"

Nessie chewed on her lip, turning to me. I'd never seen her so worried before, not even when she had to face the Volturi.

"No," Bella demanded.

Nessie squirmed in her arms, reaching for me with grabby hands like when she was a baby.

"Let her go, Bella," Edward said quietly.

Nessie dove into my arms, burrowing her face into my shirt. I didn't need any power to feel the embarrassment and guilt rolling off her in waves.

"We're not upset, Nessie," Edward said in a soothing voice. "It took us by surprise."

"Surprise?" Bella groaned. "I was ready to rip Jake apart for putting our daughter up to such atrocities!"

"The fancy words were Nessie's doing," I quipped.

"Stop," Nessie mumbled. "I'm so sorry, Momma! Very sorry, Daddy," she whimpered, turning to look at them. "It won't happen again."

"I wouldn't hold my breath," Emmett snickered, inhaling sharply, and never exhaling, as if making a point.

I'd somehow forgotten about his presence in the room.

"Don't make such promises. Not when your best friend is Jacob Black, the most cunning person I had the misfortune of meeting," Edward urged her.

I laughed loudly. "Trying to live up to my bad boy reputation," I joked.

"Jake didn't influence me in creating that board," Nessie admitted out loud. "He even tried talking me out of it, saying you'd be mad."

"Good God!" Bella groaned, throwing herself on a couch. A second later, the seat crumbled under her weight. "Oh no!"

"Don't let Esme see you broke her favorite couch," Edward joked.

Emmett burst out laughing, forgetting about his scheme to not breathe. "You're breaking furniture without Edward being involved."

Bella covered her face, which would have been scarlet red if she were still human.

"Good thing we're moving away soon and I planned on getting rid of this furniture," Esme quipped from the doorway.

"I'm so sorry, Esme!" Bella apologized.

"Don't worry, dear. Did you work out the misunderstanding from this morning?"

"Misunderstanding?" Edward scoffed. "They knew very well what they were doing. They should be punished," he teased.

Though, Nessie failed to hear the joke, and gasped. "Anything so you'll forgive me, Daddy."

"No Jake time," Bella said warily, as if expecting the outcome.

Nessie threw her arms around my neck. "No!"

Edward froze, his head turning to the doorway. "Shit." His eyes slid to us, then he sprung in front of us, right as Blondie breezed into the room.

"I reek of human food!" she cried out. "Move out of my way, Edward!"

"What have you done now?" Bella groaned, catching my eyes.

"Edward, move. I'd hate to hurt you, when the mutt is the one I want to tear apart!" Blondie snarled.

Nessie sprung from my arms, running out of the room. So much for being partners in crime.

Edward choked out a laugh, moving away from me.

 _Traitor!_ I shouted, getting up. "Okay, Blondie. Hit me with your best shot," I sneered.

"You'll be running on three legs when I'm done with you!"

"Ooooh! I'm so scared," I mocked. Since I was going down, I decided to dig my hole a little more, by attempting another joke I'd read the other day. "Did you hear the joke about a blonde using shampoo? You might get the stinky smell out of your hair if you follow the rules."

"What's the punchline? _Before_ I punch you," she spat.

"How do you keep a blonde in the shower all day? You give her a bottle of shampoo that says: rinse, wash, repeat."

Her lips curled up, and she was ready to pounce, when Nessie returned. She stopped by her aunt's side, beckoning her to her level. Blondie crouched, always eager to please Nessie, sometimes, rivaling the way I acted around her.

I gasped in shock when Nessie pulled a cup with the most disgusting concoction, from behind her back. Then, she dumped the contents on Blondie's hair. By the look and smell, it was ketchup and peanut butter.

"Renesmee!" Bella moaned, rushing to collect her in her arms, bringing her to me, away from Blondie's wrath.

"Don't mess with Jakey!" Nessie huffed, hugging me tightly.

My heart melted, with the rest of my body. I was a puddle of goo at her feet.

Edward threw me a repulsed look. I smirked back. _Serves you right for waking Nessie with your moans!_

He had the decency to look away, probably understanding for the first time, the reason behind the Scrabble board.

Blondie's outraged cries could be heard from the floor above. Emmett had followed her, and he was trying to calm her.

Too bad Jasper was out hunting with Dr. Fang. It served Blondie right for thinking she could hurt me without confronting Nessie. Sometimes, everyone seemed to forget we were connected on a deeper level than was visible.

"Is this that moment when parents think they're failing their child?" Bella lamented. "I swear, I wasn't so bad as a child."

"I'm afraid I can't aid with any childhood misbehaving from my side," Edward joked.

"Of course, you weren't a bad child," she said softly. "It's Jake's influence," Bella muttered, meeting my eyes.

"Seriously?" I protested. "All I wanted was to play Scrabble. Your little monster came up with that idea."

Nessie pulled away enough to look up at my face, then she flicked my nose. I stared at her, incredulously, before I dug my fingers into her sides. She cried out, kicking and screaming.

"How can she ever learn to act normally with you around?" Bella huffed, but still giggled at our wrestling.

"I think it's enough," Edward decided after a few minutes. "Breathe, Nessie," he whispered, pulling her away from my arms.

Nessie gasped loudly, scowling at me from her dad's arms. She'd forgive me in a minute, when she'd need to be back where she belonged.

I had to remind myself that Edward and Bella were entitled as much as me to spend time with her, but some days, it was difficult to share.

"Learn," Edward said, meeting my eyes. "It's not difficult once you train your mind to know the truth."

 _Which is…she'll always be mine, but I have to allow her to spend time with you, too?_ I guessed silently.

"Exactly."

 _Is this a technique you used when Bella visited me in La Push?_ I was mildly curious, not prying.

"It took a lot of effort to understand that balance." He stroked Nessie's hair, before letting her go to Bella.

We watched them cuddling and whispering apologies to each other. I'd never thought my heart could hold so much love for someone, especially the kind of love that wasn't even physical. I'd never understood the ramifications of the word love, though what I felt for Nessie was far more complex than the word _love_ could hold.

Her brown eyes met mine from where she was hugging Bella. A large smile spread on her lips, and I knew I'd do anything to make sure that smile never left her face.

"Sap," Edward mumbled.

 _Sex addict!_ I threw back at him.

He howled with laughter. I joined him in laughter, ignoring the curious looks on both Bella's and Nessie's faces. Some things were better left unspoken out loud.

**Author's Note:**

> If you had fun while reading, please leave your thoughts. Thanks!


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